Feeling anxious about the upcoming holidays, or more specifically anxious about seeing your family? Worried about what your deeply southern Grandfather may bring up at the dinner table, or perhaps what your liberal 20-year-old sister may have to say about the fast fashion clothes wrapped underneath the Christmas tree? Well, we’re here to help! Remember these five things and you’ll be prepared for any offensive joke that might leave your uncle’s mouth. 

Number 1: Smile and Nod 

While it may sound too simple to be true, it may just be the trick for you! Sometimes all we need to do is go back to the basics, to the simplest form of ignorance, because sometimes it truly is bliss. So, when your uncle is giving you an in-detail lecture about how your generation is lazy and wants everything handed to them, just politely show a grin, disassociate, and shake your head in agreement. 

Number 2: Remind Your Relative Where They Are 

While your parents and grandparents may begin to forget social awareness as the years go by, it’s important we do our part to aid them along the journey by simply reminding them of their surroundings. So, when the words “Immigration,” “Abortion,” “Pronouns,” etc. Are spoken, pause your relative and ask them “is this really what you want to be talking about at a family gathering right now? Does that sentence really feel like the right thing to come out of your mouth or does a small part of you know this may just be the worst possible mouth full of crap you could dump right in this happy moment?” 

Number 3: Humble Them 

A little bit of humor never hurts anyone! But this holiday it may just have to. So, before your 20-year-old liberal cousin can get too far into the abys that is her scolding lecture about how the food on the table was manufactured or who made the pants you’re wearing, quickly crack a joke about her purchase history the Christmas prior which consisted of $200 worth of Princess Polly that she thinks is sustainable because the leather jacket she bought is ‘vegan’ and let her know if she wants to discuss her anger about Kamala losing the election at a family function may just not be the time and place! Instead, she can talk about it when she gets home, with her MAGA Republican boyfriend who is currently going 4 years strong with. 

Number 4: Scream 

There’s nothing wrong with some old-fashioned screaming. While it may sound crazy and ineffective, it’s not! It’s a simple easy fix to the problem that is your grandfather’s big mouth. Here’s an example of how to use this trick, your grandpa may begin to say “I just think these new abortion laws…” that’s your signal, sound the alarm and let out a yell. No words. Just scream! It will catch everyone off guard and prevent the end of that sentence from ever being spoken. 

Number 5: Just Leave 

Too tired to scream or fight? We’ve been through the 5 yearlong year of 2024, some of you just might not have it in you to fight back, so for you all we have is leaving. Just stand up, grab your keys, walk to your car, drive away, all while remaining silent. No one will question it! Maybe they’ll assume you had to feed your cat, or maybe they won’t even notice you left at all! Who cares anymore though! I think at this point in the year we all just want to get up and leave sometimes. So, we’re here to tell you that’s okay! Do it!